we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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