Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
