Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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