I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
