She said her name was "party"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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