my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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