did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
