College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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