I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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