if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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