I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
