oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
