I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
