Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
