my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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