everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
