I puked a lego.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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