We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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