You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
