ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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