i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
