Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
