New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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