after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
