I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
