i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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