Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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