let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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