You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
