I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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