i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
