I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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