just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
