Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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