I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
