she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
