wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
