you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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