I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
