when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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