i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
