i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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