JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
