So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
