so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
