When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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