May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
