My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
