I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
