Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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