I wish I only lived at night.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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