I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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