Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
