yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
