After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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