how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
