Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
